


Dear Sirius,

by Daisy_space



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Funerals, Heartbreak, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Letters, M/M, Post- Halloween 1981, Sirius Black in Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27583328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daisy_space/pseuds/Daisy_space
Summary: After Sirius goes to Azkaban, Remus writes a letter he never sent.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 19





	Dear Sirius,

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is an excerpt from a two-part fic I posted on my instagram! I really liked this letter, and I wanted to put it on it's own. The fic isn't wolfstar just so you know. Check out my instagram @Lovingwolfsstar if you would like to putit in the context of the fic, it's called 'Letters'. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> -Em <3

Dear Sirius,

I miss you. I miss you a lot. It’s been 8 days since you left. I know I shouldn’t miss you. I know I shouldn’t love you still. Not after what you did. But I can’t help it. I’ve loved you for 5 years, it’s hard to forget it in 8 days. James & Lily’s funeral was yesterday, Pete’s is tomorrow. They asked me to speak, but I didn’t see the point. No one I care about is around to hear it. They aren’t here because of you. I can’t wrap my head around that. They’re all gone. Every single person I’ve ever loved is gone, because of  you _. _

Every night I go to bed telling myself that there must be some kind of mistake because the Sirius I know would never betray James and Lily. The Sirius I know would never hurt a hair on Peter Pettigrew’s head. The Sirius I know would never abandon his godson. But I guess I didn’t know you like I thought I did. I know these last few months things haven’t been like they were before, but I always loved you. I trusted that you loved me too. Did you ever love me? I’m sure you did at one point. You had to at one point. I know I have to let go of you. Every morning when I get out of bed I expect someone to be at the door saying there’s been a mistake, that you’re innocent. But every day that seems less likely. I guess I should’ve loved you better. Maybe then things would be different?

The next full moon is in 3 days. I’m scared. I’m always scared before the full moon, but this time it’s different. This time I don’t have you to hold my hand while we wait for the transformation to start. This time I don’t have you to cuddle me the night’s leading up to it. I don’t have you to heal my wounds and clean up the aftermath. For the first time in 6 years,  I’m going to be alone. For the first time in 11 years, I won’t wake up to your smiling face. 

I know it’s selfish, but I just want you back. I don’t want to go through this pain alone. Not just the transformations, all of it. I don’t know what to do without you Padfoot, you were my whole world, my lifeline, my moon, my stars, my galaxy, and now you’re just gone. I don’t know how to live without you Pads. I don’t think I want to live in a world where you are a monster who betrayed his friends. Where James & Lily died because of the man I love, the man I put blind trust in. I keep expecting you to wake me up telling me it was just another nightmare. But that won’t happen, because you’re gone. You’re a monster. You’re a terrible, terrible person. A terrible person I still love. I need to move on, but I can’t. I don’t see the point of moving on when I have no one to move on for. Maybe this is it? Maybe this is where my life ends, alongside Lily, and James, and Peter? I need to let you go. I hope I was wrong about you.

Love you to the stars & back,

Remus J. Lupin ♡


End file.
